Bleaauuuugggghhhhh

Anyone else feeling completely steamrolled the past 5 days since 5-5-5?

OMG, there are moments I think I am going to pass out or just collapse. I’m not sick, I am pretty sure (okay, maybe a little anemic, but shouldn’t be so much so).

It comes in waves.

I feel like most nights I am off and doing god-knows-what — I was reading on Denise’s site about recon missions (too tired to ‘splain more right now). I swear I am on some kind of nocturnal SWAT team and I am doing major work, kind of like The Avengers in the new movie. EXHAUSTING. No “proof” of that, just the sense that could be what’s going on. Or something like Neo’s training sessions aboard the Nebuchadnezzer in the first Matrix movie. Oy vey. I have a feeling I am no longer training, but warring in the trenches at this point, though.

My lower back is seizing up so hard tonight I can barely stand it. And hoooo boy, the attacks? Mental ones. Ego-based ones. There are creeping insidious thoughts. One I keep thinking about in regards to my husband (a long and complicated story) is “the opposite of love is not hate; it’s indifference.” We have grown into such indifference.That’s all I can say about that right now. But it sucks. He was supposed to have been my “twin flame” and all I sense about the relationship now is that he is my twin flop. Twin flab. Twin FAIL.

It’s bad. It’s at the point where if it was an alien love bite or some other kind of manipulation, it’s exposed and flopping. If in fact he is my TF (or something like that) well then, we are totally under attack and have a major, major block. I know some of it in the 3D explanatory realm are his addictions. He does not drink anymore and he does not surf and collect hardcore porn, but there are replacements for these things. They are just as insidious although a lot more innocent-seeming.

Other than that, I had some terrific news this week. A longtime reader and friend of Denise’s on the site offered to help me with understanding my natal chart about a month ago. I received an email from here that I only just saw last night (after seeing an earlier email, but skipping over a follow-up from her. Chalk it up to my unfamiliarity with Gmail). In the message, she let me know that I have an undeniable connection to the Pleiades. I kinda freaked at that — it was a total bonus confirmation for me. Starseed I am, and while I knew about it over three years ago, I am now embracing it more and more.

And still hardly believing I am down this far deep in all this. Sometimes it, unfortunately, reminds me of when I was a Baptist (haha). But I sure as shit hope that this is the real deal. Else, seriously, someone please just send me to the funny farm.

In all seriousness, I was brainwashed by conservative Christianity 24+ years ago. There are some dear, dear loving people who are people enslaved to that way of thought. It does not seem that way to them, and they will pretty much martyr themselves for the “cause of Christ,” but I saw it for what it was some time ago now. I don’t ever want to be brainwashed that way again, and sometimes I worry that’s what I am doing or engaging in with this stuff, too. I know as a co-dependent, I am susceptible to it.

This feels vastly different in many, many ways; however, in other ways there are “markers” that some of “this” (the whole tinfoil-hat stuff; see past blogs. Again, too tired to get into it now) is the same. How to discern what is what? How to know if the parts of me that sincerely feel like they are just “checking out” of this planet aren’t just some kind of brainwashy enterprise, eh?

I need to see and know some of the goods, dear Pleiadian Team. Yes, the email about my connections to the planet as a Taurus (oh god, don’t ask me to remember or even begin to say what it was about my natal chart was so connected to the Pleiades right now. Maybe I’ll do it later, when I can make more sense of it myself) helped a lot.

Is it too much (or even possible) to ask for something, well, more “concrete” (vis à vis 3D, I guess is what I am getting at)? Should I be careful what I ask for?

Oh, the acceleration of clock times has been helping, too. Numerous 11’s throughout the day, numerous meaningful (to me) patterns as I interact with digital clocks and other things containing numbers. Yeah, those are always good. They are definitely on the rise this week.

But I am, you know, thinking a sighting of some kind or an “encounter” — oh yeah, no. Changed my mind. I definitely don’t want a negative encounter to come of this. *whistling in the dark*

Something warm and fuzzy perhaps? (LOL — yeah, I think all of this is anything but that).

Maybe like when the mirror starts to morph when Morpheus (hahahaha — oh I just got that. “MORPHeus”) gives Neo the red pill. I don’t know if I want to see myself in a pod or anything like that, though.

I know: how about a real life human being who is also into this shit, someone I can meet face-to-face, someone on Team Light, someone who knows what this stuff is and can corroborate. Someone that I know not just online. That would be cool.

Well, I am totally blathering my way through this. This is much more my own personal journal of all this stuff. In no way do I claim to be any kind of *ahem* “spokesperson” for the Pleiadian Team, in case you came here hoping for such. Nope, I am just as confused as the next guy/girl and trying to muddle my way through.

Exhausted.

L & L, y’all. Hope you are all holding up. I am, just in a very tired way. And minorly discouraged way. *sigh*

Sleep well (I’m going to sleep now in my time zone).

Calliope the Muse

P.S. I pick Merope to be the Pleiadian planet to be from, just so you know. A ) It rhymes with “Calliope.” (At least I am pretty sure it does. I should confirm.) B ) It is a LOST PLANET! How cool and sci-fi is THAT?! 😉 Over and out.

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