Well, sometimes we can be wrong…

I’ve got to head in to my job in just a few, so this will be short. In my prior post “Oh bother” I described how ashamed I was feeling for having some kind of weird connection to YouTuber Dude (I need to think of another nickname… but let’s go with YTD for now) and it’s because I have triggers around so many things. The whole situation has made me feel like a pre-teen. My higher self is also throwing into the mix as she led me to a blog post he’d written where I wrote a comment so long it wouldn’t be accepted by the comment field, and I felt compelled to send another email.

(I can see you shaking your head in that way that indicates I’m nuts and thinking, “Why did she do that?”)

I explained in the email I was starting to feel like a stalker. The irony was that his post was about someone who had accused him of the same, and so I wrote a plea within the email to say to please not think of me in that way. (In my defense, I really had information from “above” to share, guided by HS & Co. and it wasn’t all ego-driven. Not to say that some of it wasn’t! I’m in a body on this planet, so yeah. There is ego in *everything.*)

The comment/message was about how I can clearly see this person YTD is a twin from the things he had written. (But I wrote about 5,000 more words to say that, lol.)

I emailed it off and actually got a very nice reply saying that he appreciates the honest thoughts, and happy that the content he has (books, videos, etc.) is awakening things for me, and how he genuinely appreciates the feedback. He also said that he’s take a closer look when he is not so busy and respond when he gets a chance.

Apparently in Guy Speak, sometimes “I’m busy” just means “I’m busy.”

Dammit, but I have a lot of shadow work to do still, lol. Taking a good look at what is being mirrored from other people is a pain in the ass. As I suppose it should be. (It’s kind of the point, isn’t it.)

Time to run, but I wanted to set the record straight that I was wrong about the YTD not giving a shit. I’m sorry, YTD. I have a lot of triggers. *sigh*

More later, I am sure.

Over and out.

Calliope the Muse

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Oh bother.

oh-bother

Source: here

Oh mother fucking shit.

Today is the 10-10 Portal and it feels identical to a Mercury retrograde to me. Everything feels off-kilter tonight. I had so much trouble focusing on work today. I think about all the mental and situational horror of 2016 so far (from Bowie’s death on January 10 to the more personal situations of the TF 2.0 and his “I don’t want a relationship but oh yeah I do just not with you” bidness, to the incident I wrote about last where his blatant, ugly racism made me say to the universe, “NOPE.” Like this kind of NOPE: Continue reading “Oh bother.”

Ten Years On

October 6, 2006 was a threshold moment for me.

I was in the Dallas, Texas area and it was the starting point of my life shattering as I embarked, with conscious awareness, on the twin flame journey and my awakening.

I’ve been a spiritual person always: from early childhood encounters with the divine, to a 15-year stint in Christianity as a baby-adult, but by 2006 at the age of 38, I had left all the religion behind and started to engage with a relationship with the self and the universe. I realized that there was much more to life than met the eye and I was ready to interact with what that “much” and “more” entailed.

As a person who grew up with a lot of “boundary violations,” I found myself in a relationship with a narcissist (his own mom has identified him as one, too –a minor miracle in my life when she realized this was the case). I was attracted to and attracted by narcissists, and he was my second spouse.

But my soul was starting to break away and I was starting to find myself again: my wants and needs, my interests and desires. These actions are a huge threat for a narcissist who has come to expect that the relationship serve him and his needs, alone.

In my exploration of myself and the universe, I violated boundaries as well: it’s what I knew, right?

On October 6, 2006, what was brewing into a whole hot mess exploded like a burrito overcooked in a microwave, and I officially began a journey, a Kundalini awakening, and the rediscovery of myself.

Fast forward to the Black Moon of September 30th, 2016. Note that I am on TF version 2.0 (there were also versions 1.5 and maybe 1.8 — something about being a twin, I am discovering, is that I AM the twin, I carry the twin energy, so I am really seeing how I see a potential twin in EVERY man I interact with to some degree of depth — cue rueful laughter here! But it is because I, myself, am the twin. It’s taken me a while and a few experiences to figure this out).

Well, the universe decided to give me resolution — a resolution for which I had prayed and done a lot of energy clearing work in past weeks. I had asked regarding TF 2.0 (I’ve blogged about him upon reopening this blog in recent posts), “Please, I need to know if it is him or not, and if not, let him have served his purpose as I deeply desire to move on, move forward and find my path with the one who is my physical counterpart…” (I know — I had decided he was, without a doubt, my TF. So sue me. I’m learning that nothing is set in stone on this journey.)

In my struggles with trying to understand how such a man as TF 2.0 could be my twin (check out the previous posts here at what type of person he is), earlier this summer I actually had a visualization of another — a much more ideal man, a possible soulmate with whom to build a better relationship than seems possible with TF 2.0, unless TF 2.0 experiences an event like a literal lightning bolt to the body and has a walk-in arrive.

The new man in my vision was/is a tall, blond hippie-type. I had seen him so clearly in my head, and I was having visions of doing things with him around my city, meeting up and having a kind of partnership. I even went so far as to see if I could find pictures of similar people online just to get a kind of “visual confirmation” of the man I was seeing in my head.

With some shock, I realized a couple of weeks ago (maybe a month after the visions) that I had actually *seen* this man before, or someone who looks a lot like him and carries a very similar energy. He’s a YouTuber I have been subscribed to for a couple of years. I don’t know if it is actually him who I saw in my visions, but I do know he is much more of the type of enlightened man that is in complete contrast to TF 2.0, and much like who I was seeing in my mind.

Meanwhile, on September 29, I was checking out my twin’s social media, as I had been doing all summer as my higher self would show me the various places where he was hanging out online. I found one repository for posts and “likes” of his on Tumblr. What saw on the night of September 29 irrevocably changed the entire dynamic in my mind with “TF” 2.0.

There was a video he posted and a GIF image which he’d “liked,” both of which are so heinous, racist, disgusting, and offensive, I had a completely visceral reaction of a complete “NO” within every part of my being. The items were “white supremacist” in nature, and were really abhorrent — I am not exaggerating. It was truly awful stuff.

I do not care if he is my “real twin,” what I saw was a final straw for the physical embodiment of this man. I cannot, under any circumstances, unsee what I saw, I cannot resonate at all with what he posted, and I cannot possibly engage with someone who has beliefs or interests such as his. I was somewhat forgiving of the other crap he’s into — some of it seemed redeemable. But I can’t get past what I saw and felt about what I saw.

In my mind, I declared to the universe that NO, only over my dead body would I unite with a human in that condition (that’s a gross thought. Sorry. But you know what I mean: I cannot, I will not, unite in physicality with such). I will hold him up in love, but from a DISTANCE, and I declare an end to any further engagement with him.

I didn’t unfriend on Facebook this time. I just stopped following. I have not really been back to social media in the past week, but for once or twice, which considering I was checking a few times a day (I know. But then those of you on this journey know, too…), it’s negligible. I actually have lost a great deal of any desire to “check in” and see what he is up to.

Something inside of me shifted, and I felt something new born on the 30th with the New Moon, the Black Moon. It was pretty damn huge. I feel like I am in a new timeline, something that’s happened only a couple of times on this journey. Something HUGE happened with that New Moon.

I believe that perhaps the lessons have been learned with TF v. 2.0. I think it is possible that I am on to version 3.0, or perhaps re-framing the entire journey into something “else.” I am not sure what, yet.

Here is what happened in my head:

blenders
Old, crappy blender versus new, amazing Vitamix

(Image source 1: here. Image source 2: here.)

The metaphor goes like this: I want to make smoothies (TF journey and union). Because an old crappy blender can make basic smoothies, I was looking at the fact that TF 2.0 was “a blender.” He wasn’t a hammer, or a screwdriver, or a shoe, or a whisk, or a hand mixer. He was, in fact, a blender! I could see that he was a blender (a soul connection), and I thought I’d be making smoothies with him, but maybe after he had that bad motor fixed and some new wiring. Not much, right? (*wink*) My higher self encouraged this thought with the story that he’d have a major awakening, a complete shift in the head, and that it might come about with a NDE or some other sort of thing like that.

With (re)discovering the much more Spiritual Man, let’s call  him the YouTuber Dude, who is similar to the person about whom I had been having visions, I realized that someone like him is a Vitamix! Perhaps out of my reach as it’s expensive and I don’t know if I am capable nor worthy of having one like it (ah ha — see where the new issue is to work on?), the Vitamix is specially designed to make smoothies! How about that! It’s much more of what I want and need to make smoothies. A Vitamix is a specialist at smoothies, in fact, and don’t need any “work” at all. Maybe just to wake up to being a twin as well…

I am tired of the Fixer-Upper Alleged Twin Flames. I have seen and understood that the Vitamix exists. And whether the Vitamix is the TF or not, I want to make smoothies with it.

I have no idea if that made any sense or not. I’m typing this fast. I have been meaning to write about it for a week, but the only time I have had is now, before work on a Thursday morning, on the anniversary of the beginning of this hero/heroine’s journey. I gotta go get in the shower. I’m rushing. I’m not even going to have time to edit this, really.

I have to run. You all (whoever is reading this, lol — if anyone still is!) be well. I’ll keep you posted as to what, if anything, moves and shifts in this story.

Over and out.

Calliope the Muse

I am worthy…

I’m not even sure where to begin… My last post here was in October of 2013 at the end of a cycle and the beginning of a new one (as I now understand).

The short version: Over the past two-and-a-half years, I have discovered that the man to whom I was married and with whom I lived with for four years and a month was not, is not, my true twin flame. The post I wrote in October of  2013 is the time I describe as “the day my brain broke” and all illusions fell away.

The next January, in 2014, I met the man I believe is my true TF. I didn’t fully accept this until this past week, lol.

The relationship with my former husband I now understand was a catalyst relationship and a deep soulmate contract to help heal one another. And for a myriad of reasons that have been shown to me in the past two-and-a-half years, I needed to step into the belief that he was my TF. The biggest of those reasons is that, most of all, the TF journey is one of self-discovery and self-healing in order to be ready to take on the mission, the calling, of being a TF within, first and foremost.

Let me emphasize that once more:  the TF journey is one of self-discovery and self-healing in order to be ready to take on the mission, the calling, of being a TF within, first and foremost.

That’s the short version.

I guess the details are not so important about how I came to these conclusions, but I have come to those conclusions, and mostly I wanted to come back here today because I have had another HUGE breakthrough in the multiple breakthroughs that started in January of 2014, and that is the one I received last night:

I AM WORTHY.

This message came through this couple here: Nikki and John – Starseed and JB. They are just the most recent TFs I have encountered online in what I have seen is a virtual explosion of TF couples rising up, SO many more than when this journey began for me ten years ago in October of 2006. The information that is bursting out all over the internet about the topic of TFs is incredible. Not all is credible, at least not for me, but I have taken what I have needed for the journey, put it into my Fool’s knapsack, and carried on.

I decided to come here today to reassert that I AM WORTHY of my Twin Flame physical union, I AM WORTHY of my Twin Flame non-physical everlasting union, I AM WORTHY of all good things, and I AM WORTHY of creating more good things, not only for myself, but for my twin and for the world at large.

The message also came through watching the film Braveheart for the first time since the 1990s after seeing it first in the theater and then on the VHS tape I had for many years. I stopped watching it after I no longer had a VHS player.

I witnessed for the first time post-awakening to my TF journey how much the film is about a TF reunion in physicality. When I saw this initial scene in the movie, I realized:

braveheart
Source unknown — appears on Pinterest and other social media sites.

Murron/Marian gives Young William a thistle flower in comfort and condolences for the death of his family, and it is the first time they recognize one another.

This is my twin’s favorite film.

Back to my own worthiness. I feel I have had a breakthrough in understanding just how WORTHY I am of completing the dance of TFs pre-union and of physically manifesting the full union in service to others.

I don’t have more time to write extensively about this now, but I wanted to mark this date as the day I realized I am worthy. Also of note: for the first time I can remember afterwards, I dreamed of my twin. It wasn’t anything romantic or sexual, but I dreamed of him. We were on a military mission together. I had him on a kind of sat-com unit, I think (I’m not in the military but my twin is — sort of — and so are my roommates and so I know what sat-coms are), or maybe it was just an ordinary cell phone. I  was in the middle of a really important mission and I was speaking in rapid-fire one-word responses to what he was saying on the phone. I remember letting him know that time was brief and I had to get off the phone ASAP. Then I woke up.

A couple of months ago, I stopped smoking because I have been hoping to manifest more dreams and telepathic communications that I know started up in earnest in March, around the 28th or so. I am noting these things here so I will be able to remember later. I have stopped drinking coffee. I have begun to focus my attention on anything I can do to be in my utmost healing and wholeness in order than this union might come to pass.

All right. I really have to go now. But I wanted to come back as I am putting my old tinfoil hat firmly back into place, and joining with the other insane twins on the planet who are coming together to manifest their unions, and in solidarity with those other crazies who are living in partnership now.

What a long, strange road it’s been…

Over and out for now.

Calliope the Muse

October 8, 2013

It’s been nearly eight months since my previous post, and much has happened since that time.

In some ways, things prior to the September Equinox were very volatile, the energies really restructuring so very much, new things came into my life only to be exposed as mere resonances of possible things to come and false starts — and just a shit-ton of disappointments in my personal life. My beliefs, my hopes, my dreams: all of them are rather in tatters, having been blown apart completely. (And I understand this can be something necessary and integral, so I “get it,” but that does not minimize the pain involved of seeing your every understanding of what was supposed to be — through clairvoyant and other means — simply be ripped entirely away. After seven years of daily mental reinforcement of “YES! This IS how it will be!”, it’s not the “story” anymore, and I don’t have an explanation or replacement tale. I just am. Here and now, not really caring too much anymore about what’s ahead.)

On the brightest, lightest side of things, the reunification process with my son, who will be eight years old in one month, has been successful. We shall be moving forward into a regular parenting time plan and schedule, and I can resume being his mother, in full, on my own time, with no therapist overseeing the process. At least that is what I can project into what semblance of a future I “see” (and that is not so far ahead, truth be told).

But then there is my TF, and how horribly things stand with him. I have had to stop all communication with him because of the deep, deep damage that has come about inside me from his falling out of love with me and rejecting me in his life. The “running stage” — as I understand there may be stages to this “reunification.” On the good side, this rupture has meant that I can reunify with my son, but on the down-side, it appears all the things that my higher self communicated to me in 2006 and 2007 are just plain flat out *wrong* — or, perhaps were “readjusted” because of free will and the overall global ascension process. I am not sure. It looks from all indications that this rupture, running, and separation is a permanent state of things to come. I’m getting no indication except to let go as best I can.

Sure, it is not over until the “fat lady sings,” but I believe I am at the point where I actually *should not* hope for a further reunification with my TF because to do so would be making myself into a doormat and into someone who believes it is okay for someone to treat her as “less.” Unhealthy is unhealthy, even in a TF connection. And I deserve more. I deserve an evolved relationship, not one where someone checks out entirely from the relationship and treats me with disrespect and dishonor.

I just wrote this to SunshineAngelina, whose comments I had seen on Denise’s new blog High Heart Life — her TF died this past June.

First, I am so sorry about the loss of your TF on “this side” of life/living.

I, too, have been living out a TF story in this ascension process for the past seven years. I have been ripped away from my TF in this dimension, not by death but by life/life choices/stages of the TF reunion. I actually married him in 2011 (he’s my third husband) but he lives in another country (he’s American but his whole life and work have been out of the country for over 20 years) and I had to come back to the U.S in 2012 (through uncontrollable and complicated circumstances). He has decided he [is] not in love with me anymore and that he [cannot] and [will not] join me here in the U.S. We’ve been through a lot of hell in the past years, and he still does not recognize me as his TF. He’s currently trying to date other women, and has a crush on someone he hopes to ask out.

At this point, I am more or less resigned that this is a stage of the reunification where he has run from me and the relationship, perhaps permanently in this lifetime/this timeline. Also, he has a lot of work that needs to be done on his own even still — and probably me, too. Denise’s latest post at High Heart Life has helped me understand more about why it’s separation here and now. This part has to be walked alone.

I have to say this: The TF journey is kind of a horrible one, from this side of it! (Meaning: in duality, in this dimensional timeline on earth — the one that is changing, but currently still appears to be the same.) I don’t know what is worse: to know and have the love of your TF and him talking to you, but having crossed over, and no ability to feel or touch physically, or to know your TF is still walking the planet but does not want anything more to do with you… It’s all pretty bad from this side of it when TF’s are separated, for whatever reasons. It brings back all those “separation issues” from incarnation, in my opinion.

I’m so sorry you have to go through what you are. But I do understand it, in a way.

At this point, I realize that in fact, due to the issues of my TF, I am better on my own to increase my own frequency at this point. There were many ways in which it was not a healthy relationship and was very imbalanced in my giving more to it and his giving less (not so much his “fault” — just the issues that have been driving him for years. I’ve been doing conscious healing of my issues for years, and he just started a short time ago). From being with him, I learned a lot about boundaries and taking care of myself. He found sobriety from alcoholism. All in all, it’s growth we both needed. It’s not been for nothing.

I have come to a similar conclusion it seems you have from reading your comments and posts here: the only way to meet again in wholeness is to pass forward into the new and into the next thing, whatever that is. Sometimes I think I will never get over meeting and being married to my TF, but not with him now. But then other times I realize there is a hope and future with the knowledge that I connected with him for a time, and now may face a few decades doing something else, even in the transition to another earth dimensional frequency. I will be okay being on my own. There is a future, and it can be a good one.

In any case, my biggest hope for you and for me, having once known our TFs but now not being able to be with them in the here and now: I hope that we move forward into love and into light, knowing that we are also okay on our own, progressing always forward, guided by that love and light.

My heart goes out to you, and I hope that you can continue to process your losses and gains with the crossing over of your TF.

With love,

Calliope the Muse

The funny thing is, some of the TF energy was surrounding me this past spring (March into May) and prompted me into a summertime relationship (May to August) with someone I have known online for several years. It developed very quickly and equally devolved rapidly (it became rather a nightmare, in fact, with his inability to let go — some real mental and heart issues there — and he was harassing me after I said I did not want to pursue the relationship further). The worst thing was I HOPED, and those hopes were completely let down. It seemed this relationship could be an answer to the separation with my TF: that there would and could be a future with someone else. In fact, all it did was highlight how much I miss the good parts of the person who is my TF here in this lifetime, and how I hoped for that story to come true. It was a pretty depressing realization, and I have been living with the fallout of that through August and September. I hit a huge wall of grief with regards to my separation from my husband/TF. And I got the definitive words from him that he does not want to stay married, and he wants to be with someone else.

I really don’t know where I am going from here. I have to say this: I am just fine with that “blank slate” on the one hand. I really cannot let go of much more in this lifetime. I think letting go of my TF story is bringing me to have the ability to be that person free of ALL ballast to move forward to the next thing in this ascension shift. It’s the “last bastion” to fall.

But I also have no desire to stay here, no desire to move forward with 3D Planet Earth. I love my children, but they already have had to separate from me, too — I’m only back in their lives because it became obvious I was supposed to be. Of course, this is not a suicidal thought: I am where I am, and I know by now to change that through a selfish act like suicide is a fool’s errand. But what I mean is that I think I am ready. Ready for the new, whatever it is. There is nothing of the old that is holding me back any more.

I hope at some point I will see this as a gift. The only remaining thing is the deep sadness and grief that I feel. Maybe once that is passed through, then I really will be free to create some kind of a future for myself. But as for now, I simply exist, and try to pass the time as best I can doing what is necessary to survive in 3D.

Copious amounts of watching the new Doctor Who has quite literally saved me. Traveling with a Time Lord and seeing all the vastness of the universe, plus the love he has for the Earth and her people has helped me quite a lot, actually.

That’s all. Don’t know if anyone is actually reading this stuff, but it sure has helped to put things out on virtual paper today.

Staying Tethered

Tree / Pleiades / Hyades

Flickr user StarmanMike – photo link here – used under Creative Commons License NC ND 

On Terra [Gaia] in this fateful hour
I place all Heaven with its power
the sun with its brightness
the snow with its whiteness
the fire with all the strength it hath
the lightning with its rapid wrath
the winds with their swiftness along their path
the sea with its deepness
the rocks with their steepness
the earth with it starkness
all these I place
With God’s [Gaia’s] almighty help and grace
between myself and the powers of darkness.

Source

I have not written since early December as the energies from December forward to Imbolc, on February 1st, have been most incredible, and there have been shifts and changes primarily at the fourth and fifth dimensional levels, but ones that definitely are impacting the third dimensional level. All of this has made it difficult to write here in this space. But today, I was brought back to renew what is here, make some changes to whom I follow, and also to link in some important messages. Mostly I put these posts here for myself, not for others, but if someone finds benefit in what I have linked, the more are blessed.

I have done some major housecleaning here today at Calliope the Muse HQ: removing things no longer of a resonant energy and making a few tweaks here and there, including using a new theme on WordPress.

A little post-Imbolc freshening as we await the vernal equinox, Ostara, on March 20.

Current Energies

I read today’s Oracle Report for February 16 and 17 (there is currently an error written with the dates —  this is the second blog I have read today which has done that! Timeline shifts!). I will copy it here, but be aware that to find it after today’s posting date, you will need to look in the archives for the specific reference that is made.

Saturday February 16 and Sunday February 17

Crescent Moon Phase – Moon in Taurus
Everyone needs to be fully locked in to your center and grounded to the planet. Picture yourself as a gold or white cylinder of light that can sway and swing, but is completely tethered. Know that you are fully protected and shielded. You may have a shock, surprise, or insight that will take time to understand. You may need to use the skills of an archer to maneuver the energy.

Please join me in visualizing a flock of thousands of owls flying through the sunset sky. It would be even better if you go outside at sunset wherever you are on the planet and picture it.

Please understand the power of this day.

I absolutely and intuitively understand the power of this day.

Barn Owl

Flickr user Brian Scott – photo link here – used under Creative Commons License NC ND 

I woke up with a very strange and tense energy dominating, but since I have come online to read and connect to the sources which are now most resonant for me, I’m feeling tethered, I have my Artemis bow and arrow at the ready, and feel more calm.

There is definitely an edge to the day, however.

A second source which has been very helpful, but which I will not copy here out of deep respect for the author, Karen Bishop, per her request. Karen has been a mountain guide/Sherpa of wisdom to me for just over five years.

In my own words, Karen writes in her post from yesterday, February 15, 2013, that we are on a “transitional bus” not quite yet there, but very much on our way. We are completely disconnected from what is past, uprooted from all that bound us to it, but in a “new, strange, and temporary territory” as we travel on this bus. The energetic symptoms Karen describes very much mirror my own in these past few days, and I find it hard to keep breathing calmly.

Yet the life I am still living in the third dimension is present with me, and like the Sword of Damocles hanging by a single hair of a horse’s tail, as Cicero puts it: “…there can be nothing happy for the person over whom some fear always looms.” (see Wikipedia link)

I work hard at banishing the fear.

Some things have been progressing very nicely.

On the most excellent side of things, at long last, next week, I see my 7-year-old son for the first time in four years and nine months! This is very long in coming, and part of me expects the axis to tilt with this reunification.

I am still eating, have a place to live, clothes to wear, fresh water to safely drink, people around me who love me, and for these things I am deeply grateful.

My fears are founded — there are a couple of earthly third dimensional things that are deeply pressing, and which, if the following were to happen, would completely go away with a financial collapse of the country and/or world economy. I confess: this collapse, while potentially horrific for humans in the developed world (how can it truly get worse in the undeveloped and war-torn worlds? They at least already know how to negotiate daily chaos), would make all of the problems I have dissolve in an instant. If it were to be known that the US of A, Inc. is an illegal institution, it would invalidate all of the things that have caused me to be in the situation I am in. Et voilà — POOF — it would all become null and void. In the meantime, the thing that is pressing me the most is that I am not at all secure financially. This does not bother me at all personally, necessarily; I have learned to do without. But it is the legal debt I owe that is pressing upon me in this moment, and if I don’t come up with about another $800 in the next week, I will have my driver’s license suspended because of non-payment.

Through the grace of family and friends, I made a payment last December that kept the same from happening back then. The payment stalled the process until now.

I have been applying for jobs left and right, and am meeting with very firmly closed doors on any and all attempts. Strangely so, for in the past, in my old existence, whenever I needed employment, I sent out the vibrational call, something always came along, even if at the last possible moment, and usually through a friend or acquaintance, or a chance meeting or some serendipitous word-of-mouth.

The time is pretty much 11:51. I have just nine minutes, less now, as the clock is ever-ticking, to come up with an earthly plan.

And it is just not happening.

I know this is perhaps what is meant to be right now, and there are still “nine more minutes” — the rest of this week, and really until the 28th, but no longer.

I’m not so worried about having a suspended license in terms of life. I can still get to the store. I can still take a bus to important places, including to a potential job, although not driving would narrow the possibilities significantly.

What concerns me is being able to drive to the appointments to see my son with his reunion therapist — he is 1.5 hours north of my city by car. It seems as if the timing is that just as I have reuntied with him, my ability to drive and see him at the appointments will be stopped. I don’t have anyone who can take me there during the appointment times. Not that I know of, yet. There are no buses that go there, either, except perhaps Greyhound, but that would be very, very complicated for a 50 minute appointment.

I deeply would like this problem solved to stay in touch with my son.

Right now, as well, I put an energetic bubble around this post, around my life. I claim sovereignty as an angelic and god-being embodied on earth, with the abilities to solve this problem and protect this space. Once more, I call upon the powers of Terra in this fateful hour and place the powers of Heaven between myself and the powers of darkness.

I’m ready for the bus to be there, but I think we will be on the road for a little while longer. Maybe just a few more weeks, but I don’t think things will really be in place until later in the year.

But I would dearly like to see a breakthrough in this particular juncture of the bus ride.

On the Road, AZ

Flickr user biotour13 – photo link here – used under Creative Commons License NC ND

In conjunction with the Karen Bishop post referenced above, there are two more articles that are resonant with similar information and the same frequency. They are the Aisha North post from today, February 16, 2013, and the Gaia Portal post from yesterday, February 15, 2013:

The manuscript of survival – part 269

Today we would like to delve a little deeper into the physical and mental fallout from all of these energetic shifts that are coming your way. We know that for most of  you, these can be more than a little difficult to swallow at times, because they can literally render you unable to do anything at times except exist. (Aisha North and the constant companions)

Restlessness… due to significant Alterations in DNA coding

Restlessness may be a characteristic of current sensations in the 3D body. Specific changes and upgrades to DNA familial patterns requires significant alterations in DNA coding.

These DNA upgrades allow ease of transition out of 3D dysfunctional familial patterns and into Galactic family connections. Such upgrades are necessary for full disclosure process to proceed.

I am feeling the contents of both of these posts so keenly in these past 24 hours. There is much, much more going on with me in my life than I have mentioned here, but these two posts tap into the energy of what is happening, and sum up a great deal of the energetic flow of what is going on with me.

Finally, I will reference the most recent post of Denise LeFay on Transitions.

Post SHIFT: Winter 2013

As many of you know, when I go quiet as I have over these past few weeks, it’s because I’m deep in another important Ascension related transition and I won’t write much until I have lived/embodied enough of it myself and started to get a decent conscious understanding of what’s happened and is still happening. This is just how this Process works for me; I’ve got to live and embody it physically, then review the recent events, my perceptions, issues, insights, visions, and whatever old or new physical and/or emotional aches and pains that I’ve been dealing with — then I’ll write about what I’ve discovered on my own from having lived it.

(click the link above to continue to read the rest of the post)

This is very much what I am doing here. I have not gone completely quiet in my 3D life. I am not living in isolation, but trying to do the best that I can being on this transitional bus, undergoing recoding, trying to keep my shit together on the face of things.

But the deeper inner work that has dominated my life, the “polarity integration” that is my work to do, for the past six years (since October 2006, consciously, but since long before that, too), is intensifying even as I feel myself letting go of this existence in so very many real and tangible ways. I know I am headed towards something very new, and very different. As Karen Bishop writes, there is a new foundation being laid, and soon we can build upon it.

How soon?

How soon is now?

When you say it’s gonna happen now,

Well, when exactly do you mean?

See, I have already waited too long,

And all my hope is…

Thankfully, all my hope is not gone. I know the thing that I must do is stand, and then stand, and then stand again. Perseverance is the ticket on this particular bus ride.

Be well, one and all. If I feel moved again to chronicle the happenings of the Muse, I will.

Calliope the Muse

The darkest hour is just before the dawn.

It’s kind of a banal platitude, and I don’t even know if it is something scientifically true. However, right now, this is my greatest hope.

At this very moment, in my psyche, I feel like the Hero in the Hero’s Journey and standing at the edge of the abyss, if I am not already deep down in it.

Wait. Strike that. I just read this. Oh yeah, definitely at this point.

Anyway, I have just had to confront something that is the apex of the past five years. It was the confrontation of confrontations, and I had to do it totally alone. I know I had spiritual support from those who love me, but I was physically very much A.L.O.N.E. in this.

I think, though, that this day could have been the very culmination of this lifetime’s lessons. I always used to be afraid to do things alone, and here I had to confront an authority of authorities and also defend myself in a neutral, self-possessed, calm and intelligent manner, and I believe I did so. And I did it all by myself.

Yes, the more I think about it, today was that day of atonement:

Atonement with the Father
In this step the person must confront and be initiated by whatever holds the ultimate power in his or her life. In many myths and stories this is the father, or a father figure who has life and death power. This is the center point of the journey. All the previous steps have been moving in to this place, all that follow will move out from it. Although this step is most frequently symbolized by an encounter with a male entity, it does not have to be a male; just someone or thing with incredible power. For the transformation to take place, the person as he or she has been must be “killed” so that the new self can come into being. Sometime this killing is literal, and the earthly journey for that character is either over or moves into a different realm.

source: Hero’s Journey – Summary of Steps

Yes, I was “killed” in many ways today, a kind of death-to-self and confrontation with the things that have frightened me most in life. I came through it.

Now, I am just hoping for one of those miracles that I was promised so long ago. It’s either the miracle of objective and real transformation of the planet, and SOON as this situation I am in is so knotted up it will take something of that scale to work it out, or it is a more personal kind of restoration. Maybe a combo of both?

I think I am writing this post more than anything as a kind of “time capsule” to open at a later date, look back on, and say, “Oh right! That is the day it was so very dark. And look where we are now!”

I truly hope so.

Thanks for reading.

Calliope the Muse