The darkest hour is just before the dawn.

It’s kind of a banal platitude, and I don’t even know if it is something scientifically true. However, right now, this is my greatest hope.

At this very moment, in my psyche, I feel like the Hero in the Hero’s Journey and standing at the edge of the abyss, if I am not already deep down in it.

Wait. Strike that. I just read this. Oh yeah, definitely at this point.

Anyway, I have just had to confront something that is the apex of the past five years. It was the confrontation of confrontations, and I had to do it totally alone. I know I had spiritual support from those who love me, but I was physically very much A.L.O.N.E. in this.

I think, though, that this day could have been the very culmination of this lifetime’s lessons. I always used to be afraid to do things alone, and here I had to confront an authority of authorities and also defend myself in a neutral, self-possessed, calm and intelligent manner, and I believe I did so. And I did it all by myself.

Yes, the more I think about it, today was that day of atonement:

Atonement with the Father
In this step the person must confront and be initiated by whatever holds the ultimate power in his or her life. In many myths and stories this is the father, or a father figure who has life and death power. This is the center point of the journey. All the previous steps have been moving in to this place, all that follow will move out from it. Although this step is most frequently symbolized by an encounter with a male entity, it does not have to be a male; just someone or thing with incredible power. For the transformation to take place, the person as he or she has been must be “killed” so that the new self can come into being. Sometime this killing is literal, and the earthly journey for that character is either over or moves into a different realm.

source: Hero’s Journey – Summary of Steps

Yes, I was “killed” in many ways today, a kind of death-to-self and confrontation with the things that have frightened me most in life. I came through it.

Now, I am just hoping for one of those miracles that I was promised so long ago. It’s either the miracle of objective and real transformation of the planet, and SOON as this situation I am in is so knotted up it will take something of that scale to work it out, or it is a more personal kind of restoration. Maybe a combo of both?

I think I am writing this post more than anything as a kind of “time capsule” to open at a later date, look back on, and say, “Oh right! That is the day it was so very dark. And look where we are now!”

I truly hope so.

Thanks for reading.

Calliope the Muse

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